Do you feel it? The Pain from love?

How do you know you love me?

You'd opened your life and embraced me with your heart, weaved tiny threads out of our dreams and made it a cloth of colours, idealistic pictures and imaginative characters.

Do you feel the love?

Do you feel your heart leap everytime the phone rings, and how its sinks when the caller is not who you're expecting? Do you feel my heart pounding, sending vibrations from over the other line when you said you love me... each and every time, until I get so dizzy from the blood rushing up to my brain that all i could utter was an idiotic monosyllable 'uh'? Do you feel the tingles down my spine, the warm sensation spreading from my stomach like somebody had fed me a bowl of hot soup in the middle of winter whenever I hear you laugh?

Now, do you feel the pain?

When you fall off your bicycle, the shock of it when you first fall prevents the pain from registering in your brain... not yet. You watch as the droplets of blood grow bigger, congregate and trickles out from the wound.
pain?

Not yet.

You try to pick yourself up.... stand up you moron! Hoping nobody saw your far-from-graceful dip into the bushes as you try to shake twigs and leaves from your hair.
in a flash, just when you're about to be on your two feet, the pain registers in full force.

That is when you crumble. That is when you feel Pain.

But this is not the Pain i'm feeling right now.

When I heard the news from you, it didn't register. The words swirled around in my head like whiskey and ice swishing in a ball glass. The exasperation of not being able to even protest choked the words coming out in my throat. I had to gasp for air as everything became a blur. The voices sounded like alien language, the people around me seemed to float around aimlessly and the lights... where're the lights??

It didn't register until 2 days later. As i sit here, the words come into place, the wonderful picture which had been in my mind is smashed into smithereens. I am suddenly overwhelmed by the feeling of helplesness as Pain seeps into my brain, slowly but surely. An invisible hand reaches for my heart, tears it out and squeezes the life out of it, as I watch, maimed.

But I know my heart will not die. Pain has other plans for it. It has plans for each and every kind of hurt we encounter. The damage Pain thinks exceptionally pleasurable to inflict, which requires a more scheming and predominant execution plan, is from love. It lets you sit through an endless replay of those happier times, It lets you recall words you think you have forgotten, words which didn't seem to mean much until now when Pain has skilfully edited and elucidate the significance of those plain, simple words. But Pain will not kill my heart... not yet. It has tasted my tears, smelled my fears, heard my begs for It to stop and It is now holding on to my heart, prodding, playing, stabbing... laughing. When Pain is done with my heart, It will return me with one piece missing, depending on how large a souvenir It wants to keep.

Do you feel this pain? The Pain from love.