"I promise I will NEVER lie to you again! I swear!"
For that my child, I will give you a bag of dried chillies. You will eat the whole bag in an hour. If you don't, I will throw you out of the house.
- Anonymous.
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I remember someone saying this. But I can't remember.
Saturday, January 31, 2009
Thursday, January 29, 2009
Touch.
How do you react when you get a hug from your parents? Maybe your father, perhaps? I'd be estatic!
The sad truth is, my father is the kind of man whose afraid to show emotion. Alright, maybe afraid isn't the right word but more like weak. Say whatever you want. But men who don't know how to show true emotions, like crying is somewhat weak. He doesn't like to show how he feels. Because he thinks it's a weakness. No, I'm not making an assumption. I wish my father could hug me. The only time I guess he ever showed daughter-to-father physical contact when I was a baby. When he carries me. After that, everything just started dwindling down the drain...
On the other hand, I'm thankful for my mother. It's... something that maybe people will never learn to understand. Even though my mother wasn't around alot, she gave me unconditional love that no one can ever give to me. To me, that's the best gift I can ever recieve from a parent.
Like what they always say, the littlest things matter.
Touch & love.
Yesterday, my mother came over to visit me. Honestly, it's been quite only say a week since she visited me and my sister? But it felt like forever! That's how much I love her. I don't blame my father for not being touchy touchy after all the things his been through but I would actually appreciate if for once he said that he loves me or something. I can't help thinking why he cannot open up. Every one of his birthday passes by, I give him a big sloppy kiss on the cheek & a BIG teddy bear hug. When my birthday comes, nothing but presents and out for dinner.
My mother has been going through alot of things lately and she comes to me and talks to me. She actually TALKS to me. Amazing! Like, thank god for my mother she thinks like a teenager. That only happens when it comes to talk from matters of the heart. Work and being serious? Man, she's a whole other person. But at least I can respect my mother for that. Work & Play! Purr-fect.
Well, completely digressing here. She was talking to her fiance on the phone (actually boyfriend, but I use fiance cause it sounds better and YES! my parents are divorced. COMMON!) and she started giggling and laughing and being just so happy! I smiled to myself while I saw her laughing.
My mom and me were lying in the same bed, my head very near to her bosom and she started making funny faces. I guess he really makes her happy. I started smelling my mother's hand. I love the way she smells. She smells exactly the same way 10 years ago...
Then, she started to do something to me she never did before in years!
She started to caress my hair. Mind you not the kind where just start stroking your daughter's hair randomly. Blast back to the pass, when I was diagnosed with asthama when I was 5, I started to feel pain in my chest. I would call for her. She would lie beside me, start stroking my hair lovingly to tell me everything was alright and I felt safe under her care.
13 years into the future, I get the same feeling. And I actually forgot what it was like to feel my Mother's Touch again. It felt good. Her fingers parting my fringe, pushing back my hair, feeling her fingers against my scalp. She stopped. Then I nudged my mother's hand to stroke my hair again.
She stopped every few minutes and we start caressing my hair. After she hung up, she just looked at me. We didnt say anything for a few minutes. Look of happiness on her face. I just kept a composed face.
(I WAS SQUEALING WITH HAPPINESS INSIDE BECAUSE 1. MY MOM'S HAPPY 2. I'M HAPPY CAUSE SHE'S STROKING MY HAIR! i'm nuts.)
She just continued stroking my hair. :)
The sad truth is, my father is the kind of man whose afraid to show emotion. Alright, maybe afraid isn't the right word but more like weak. Say whatever you want. But men who don't know how to show true emotions, like crying is somewhat weak. He doesn't like to show how he feels. Because he thinks it's a weakness. No, I'm not making an assumption. I wish my father could hug me. The only time I guess he ever showed daughter-to-father physical contact when I was a baby. When he carries me. After that, everything just started dwindling down the drain...
On the other hand, I'm thankful for my mother. It's... something that maybe people will never learn to understand. Even though my mother wasn't around alot, she gave me unconditional love that no one can ever give to me. To me, that's the best gift I can ever recieve from a parent.
Like what they always say, the littlest things matter.
Touch & love.
Yesterday, my mother came over to visit me. Honestly, it's been quite only say a week since she visited me and my sister? But it felt like forever! That's how much I love her. I don't blame my father for not being touchy touchy after all the things his been through but I would actually appreciate if for once he said that he loves me or something. I can't help thinking why he cannot open up. Every one of his birthday passes by, I give him a big sloppy kiss on the cheek & a BIG teddy bear hug. When my birthday comes, nothing but presents and out for dinner.
My mother has been going through alot of things lately and she comes to me and talks to me. She actually TALKS to me. Amazing! Like, thank god for my mother she thinks like a teenager. That only happens when it comes to talk from matters of the heart. Work and being serious? Man, she's a whole other person. But at least I can respect my mother for that. Work & Play! Purr-fect.
Well, completely digressing here. She was talking to her fiance on the phone (actually boyfriend, but I use fiance cause it sounds better and YES! my parents are divorced. COMMON!) and she started giggling and laughing and being just so happy! I smiled to myself while I saw her laughing.
My mom and me were lying in the same bed, my head very near to her bosom and she started making funny faces. I guess he really makes her happy. I started smelling my mother's hand. I love the way she smells. She smells exactly the same way 10 years ago...
Then, she started to do something to me she never did before in years!
She started to caress my hair. Mind you not the kind where just start stroking your daughter's hair randomly. Blast back to the pass, when I was diagnosed with asthama when I was 5, I started to feel pain in my chest. I would call for her. She would lie beside me, start stroking my hair lovingly to tell me everything was alright and I felt safe under her care.
13 years into the future, I get the same feeling. And I actually forgot what it was like to feel my Mother's Touch again. It felt good. Her fingers parting my fringe, pushing back my hair, feeling her fingers against my scalp. She stopped. Then I nudged my mother's hand to stroke my hair again.
She stopped every few minutes and we start caressing my hair. After she hung up, she just looked at me. We didnt say anything for a few minutes. Look of happiness on her face. I just kept a composed face.
(I WAS SQUEALING WITH HAPPINESS INSIDE BECAUSE 1. MY MOM'S HAPPY 2. I'M HAPPY CAUSE SHE'S STROKING MY HAIR! i'm nuts.)
She just continued stroking my hair. :)
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
Dorkington Hackers.
The title is the name of a graphic tee that I have. Random.
Anyways. I would like to say something different today. I dreamt of a couple of weird things. Some not so weird! Some I think are just premonitions or whatever.
1. I dreamt of Adriel's book cover. Like how it looks like. The name of the book was View To A Kill. It's after a Duran Duran song. HAHA!
2. I dreamt of Hayden from Heroes & Mila from Resident Evil having sex when the world was about to end. I guess I have been reading too much celeb trash. (I SWEAR I HAVENT BEEN READING ANY FOR THE PAST FEW DAYS!)
3. My former secondary school friends and my bestfriends were spared. We got into like escape pods, the one that you see in Star Wars. It jetison out into space!
4. We came back down to Earth after 4 years (I think.) and everything went to oblivion.
Now, I'm scared.
Note to self: Hair feels weird today... again! Paper cuts on my fingers when I havent been dealing with papers at all!
Anyways. I would like to say something different today. I dreamt of a couple of weird things. Some not so weird! Some I think are just premonitions or whatever.
1. I dreamt of Adriel's book cover. Like how it looks like. The name of the book was View To A Kill. It's after a Duran Duran song. HAHA!
2. I dreamt of Hayden from Heroes & Mila from Resident Evil having sex when the world was about to end. I guess I have been reading too much celeb trash. (I SWEAR I HAVENT BEEN READING ANY FOR THE PAST FEW DAYS!)
3. My former secondary school friends and my bestfriends were spared. We got into like escape pods, the one that you see in Star Wars. It jetison out into space!
4. We came back down to Earth after 4 years (I think.) and everything went to oblivion.
Now, I'm scared.
Note to self: Hair feels weird today... again! Paper cuts on my fingers when I havent been dealing with papers at all!
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
Life Before It Started.
Once upon a time....
A Little Girl tries her best to tune out an argument that's been going on for as long as she can remember. In this household long filled with shouting, the Little Girl decided some time ago that it'd be best if she just kept quiet. In fact, hardly a peep ever escaped her lips.
"SLAM!"
"Look what you made him do," her step-mom shouted. She always had a cigarette in her mouth, smoke chokes her.
Her father didn't return that night, or any other.
"My step-mother's right," she thought.
"It is MY fault. Not telling someone to stay is just like telling someone to leave."
She held on to the hope that one day he might return; though she was soon told that she did so in vain.
"Your father ain't EVER comin' back, so you just put that out of your lil' ole' head!"
Then she felt it. The Little Girl fell to the ground & felt her step-mother's hand sting her left cheek. Teardrops feel onto her face, cooling the sting that she felt. "If you're gonna go on livin' under this roof, you're gonna have to earn your keep, girl!"
And as immediately her step-mother spoke, she was put to work. "Everyday day, right after school, you come home and get right to your chores. First thing you do is vacuum the carpets"
Her life became an endless repetition of tasks carried out in silent servitude. "Maybe if it's perfect," she thought. "Maybe then he'll come back..." So she kept on.
As most adults know, life lived under the strict routine of work can pass you by like the blink of an eye. And the lonely Little Girl found herself to be a Young Woman before she knew it. Then one night came and everything changed...
The Young Woman's step-mother woke from her usual spirited slumber in a fit of ire. "He left cause'a you! You always came between US!" She screamed and kicked the bucket of water she was about to use to mop the floor.
"He didn't want no fucking kid! 'Specially one that doesn't nothin' but take up space. You ain't special. You ain't nothing at all!"
She sat down on the floor, starring at it. "I'd wish you'd just die," she murmured under her breath. "What'd you say to me?"
"I SAID I WISH YOU'D JUST DIE!"
All of those years supressing her voice, keeping it deep down inside, made it so that when she finally spoke, no one could help but listen. Her step-mother's heart certainly listened, and stopped pumping the instant the command was uttered. She dropped her cigarette and slowly started to burn the lounge room carpet. Slowly but surely.
The Young Woman didn't know what power her voice held. She had changed herself in the course of an instant. And nothing would be the same for her ever again. Like her father had done a few years before, she left herself behind in that house that now set ablaze.
"Move! You have to get out of here! Wake up!!!", she panicked. But no matter what she said, she could not compel her step-mother to move. For what she ordered could not be undone. And as she wiped away her tears, she wiped away her past.
The road was long, she kept on walking. She looked up to the sky and then looked far out to the fields. "Daddy, where are you when I needed you most?"
A striking red Mustang zoomed past her, messing her long brown hair. It came to a screech and reversed back to where the Young Woman stood.
"Are you alright? I'm gonna call the cops." "No, just take me away from here," she said. She had changed into someone else. Someone with a special gift.
"Where do you want to go?" "West," she smiled.
And to sever her new world from the old, she decided to rename herself Eden.
A Little Girl tries her best to tune out an argument that's been going on for as long as she can remember. In this household long filled with shouting, the Little Girl decided some time ago that it'd be best if she just kept quiet. In fact, hardly a peep ever escaped her lips.
"SLAM!"
"Look what you made him do," her step-mom shouted. She always had a cigarette in her mouth, smoke chokes her.
Her father didn't return that night, or any other.
"My step-mother's right," she thought.
"It is MY fault. Not telling someone to stay is just like telling someone to leave."
She held on to the hope that one day he might return; though she was soon told that she did so in vain.
"Your father ain't EVER comin' back, so you just put that out of your lil' ole' head!"
Then she felt it. The Little Girl fell to the ground & felt her step-mother's hand sting her left cheek. Teardrops feel onto her face, cooling the sting that she felt. "If you're gonna go on livin' under this roof, you're gonna have to earn your keep, girl!"
And as immediately her step-mother spoke, she was put to work. "Everyday day, right after school, you come home and get right to your chores. First thing you do is vacuum the carpets"
Her life became an endless repetition of tasks carried out in silent servitude. "Maybe if it's perfect," she thought. "Maybe then he'll come back..." So she kept on.
As most adults know, life lived under the strict routine of work can pass you by like the blink of an eye. And the lonely Little Girl found herself to be a Young Woman before she knew it. Then one night came and everything changed...
The Young Woman's step-mother woke from her usual spirited slumber in a fit of ire. "He left cause'a you! You always came between US!" She screamed and kicked the bucket of water she was about to use to mop the floor.
"He didn't want no fucking kid! 'Specially one that doesn't nothin' but take up space. You ain't special. You ain't nothing at all!"
She sat down on the floor, starring at it. "I'd wish you'd just die," she murmured under her breath. "What'd you say to me?"
"I SAID I WISH YOU'D JUST DIE!"
All of those years supressing her voice, keeping it deep down inside, made it so that when she finally spoke, no one could help but listen. Her step-mother's heart certainly listened, and stopped pumping the instant the command was uttered. She dropped her cigarette and slowly started to burn the lounge room carpet. Slowly but surely.
The Young Woman didn't know what power her voice held. She had changed herself in the course of an instant. And nothing would be the same for her ever again. Like her father had done a few years before, she left herself behind in that house that now set ablaze.
"Move! You have to get out of here! Wake up!!!", she panicked. But no matter what she said, she could not compel her step-mother to move. For what she ordered could not be undone. And as she wiped away her tears, she wiped away her past.
The road was long, she kept on walking. She looked up to the sky and then looked far out to the fields. "Daddy, where are you when I needed you most?"
A striking red Mustang zoomed past her, messing her long brown hair. It came to a screech and reversed back to where the Young Woman stood.
"Are you alright? I'm gonna call the cops." "No, just take me away from here," she said. She had changed into someone else. Someone with a special gift.
"Where do you want to go?" "West," she smiled.
And to sever her new world from the old, she decided to rename herself Eden.
Monday, January 26, 2009
Manipulate Subject- No. 3
Day 1.
Just a phonecall she said. She's going away for a couple of days with her dad. She couldn't bear to hang up. Kissed me a dozen times over the phone. She couldn't come to see me due to the short notice of leaving, fuck. She couldn't bear to hang up still....
My heart is searching for her whereabouts now. I feel her aching heart as she's gone further and further.... Or is it my own aching heart i'm feeling? Where is she!? In the car? Still in Singapore? Across the Causeway? What about her horny cat? Maybe her dad'll change his mind about going!
Waaaait just a minute... why am I being so bloody childish?! Does it make any difference whether she's going anywhere or staying put? Why didn't she crash the bloody car up the curb and they can't go anywhere coz' it would've been at the mechanic's over the weekend? Damn it!
Day 2.
Practise tomorrow.
No call.
Chill out in my room.
No call.
Dinner.
No call.
Tagboard.
No tag.
Just a phonecall, to send my usually placate, even aloof, mind in frenzied turmoil. She must've put something into my curry, bloody bhangra.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
PS: Been away to KL, busy shopping, watched a man die & been trying to revive back to my good ole' erotica writing days.
Just a phonecall she said. She's going away for a couple of days with her dad. She couldn't bear to hang up. Kissed me a dozen times over the phone. She couldn't come to see me due to the short notice of leaving, fuck. She couldn't bear to hang up still....
My heart is searching for her whereabouts now. I feel her aching heart as she's gone further and further.... Or is it my own aching heart i'm feeling? Where is she!? In the car? Still in Singapore? Across the Causeway? What about her horny cat? Maybe her dad'll change his mind about going!
Waaaait just a minute... why am I being so bloody childish?! Does it make any difference whether she's going anywhere or staying put? Why didn't she crash the bloody car up the curb and they can't go anywhere coz' it would've been at the mechanic's over the weekend? Damn it!
Day 2.
Practise tomorrow.
No call.
Chill out in my room.
No call.
Dinner.
No call.
Tagboard.
No tag.
Just a phonecall, to send my usually placate, even aloof, mind in frenzied turmoil. She must've put something into my curry, bloody bhangra.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
PS: Been away to KL, busy shopping, watched a man die & been trying to revive back to my good ole' erotica writing days.
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
Manipulate Subject- No. 2
12:51pm; Sunday.
"Girl, get outta the way! You don't wanna have me drilling a hole in your shell!"
Well, at least somebody don't hafta do anything. I looked on as my terrapin found Andrea.
"Get on with your work, lazy bums!"
"Read my lips Andrea... bitch.", he said.
"Don't be surprised to find your fat terrapin missing later."
For half the morning, I was removing screws, taking down complicating devices such as the dish rack (Siti refused to part with it.) and mounting them back on at the new place. By afternoon, my arms were sore and my t-shirt was drenched with my perspiration. I thought by going home late on Saturday means skipping the whole moving house thing. I never knew they had other intentions for me. I had become their handyman. I should pay Erika a visit. She promised me that movie, The English Patient.
"On-dre!! Dish rack here."
"When are you cooking lunch? I'm starving."
"No dish rack, no lunch!", she said as she pointed to the dismantled dish rack.
"Don't be such a bhangra!"
"Dish rack lower. Cannot reach."
"Why don't I put it up on the ceiling? Gives you the excuse to use the old ladder you refuse to throw away as well."
"No time to cook your favourite pasta if i climb up and climb down."
"Ok ok... We'll do it your way."
She's got a greater sense of humour then I expected!
"King sized bed, Andre! RAD!!"
"You can have it all to yourself then. Imma crash over at Anne's."
"WHAT?!"
"You heard me sweetie."
"You asshole!"
-imitating mommy's accent- "Mind your language kids!"
"You really mean it? You're gonna bunk over at Anne's?"
"When a man has an electric drill in his hands and dust on his face, does he have time for jokes?"
"Alright wise guy, what are you up to now?"
"Working my way for a decent lunch, can't you see?"
"What's with you?"
I stopped drilling and looked at her. How do i break the news to her? Will she go berserk? Nah... Maybe not today. Imma just put it off till I couldn't and announce to her that i don't intend to get married.
"Nothing."
"Mom, did you see Fat Girl? I had been searching for Fat Girl after I had scrubbed Fat Lady's shell. She's now resting comfortably in the garden's pond."
"That ugly thing? No."
"It's hard not to notice her y'know..."
Andrea was sounding suspiciously evil. But I refused to ask her where she put Fat Girl. Imma find her if it meant flipping the whole house.
"ON-DRE!!! IS THIS SOME JOKE?? TAKE AWAY!!!"
Siti found fat girl stashed in between some of my dirty laundry in the back when she was dumping them into the new washing machine my mom got her. She was complaining about the weird noise coming from the old one.
"Andrea! You bloody bhangra!"
"Mind your language kids!"
"Girl, get outta the way! You don't wanna have me drilling a hole in your shell!"
Well, at least somebody don't hafta do anything. I looked on as my terrapin found Andrea.
"Get on with your work, lazy bums!"
"Read my lips Andrea... bitch.", he said.
"Don't be surprised to find your fat terrapin missing later."
For half the morning, I was removing screws, taking down complicating devices such as the dish rack (Siti refused to part with it.) and mounting them back on at the new place. By afternoon, my arms were sore and my t-shirt was drenched with my perspiration. I thought by going home late on Saturday means skipping the whole moving house thing. I never knew they had other intentions for me. I had become their handyman. I should pay Erika a visit. She promised me that movie, The English Patient.
"On-dre!! Dish rack here."
"When are you cooking lunch? I'm starving."
"No dish rack, no lunch!", she said as she pointed to the dismantled dish rack.
"Don't be such a bhangra!"
"Dish rack lower. Cannot reach."
"Why don't I put it up on the ceiling? Gives you the excuse to use the old ladder you refuse to throw away as well."
"No time to cook your favourite pasta if i climb up and climb down."
"Ok ok... We'll do it your way."
She's got a greater sense of humour then I expected!
"King sized bed, Andre! RAD!!"
"You can have it all to yourself then. Imma crash over at Anne's."
"WHAT?!"
"You heard me sweetie."
"You asshole!"
-imitating mommy's accent- "Mind your language kids!"
"You really mean it? You're gonna bunk over at Anne's?"
"When a man has an electric drill in his hands and dust on his face, does he have time for jokes?"
"Alright wise guy, what are you up to now?"
"Working my way for a decent lunch, can't you see?"
"What's with you?"
I stopped drilling and looked at her. How do i break the news to her? Will she go berserk? Nah... Maybe not today. Imma just put it off till I couldn't and announce to her that i don't intend to get married.
"Nothing."
"Mom, did you see Fat Girl? I had been searching for Fat Girl after I had scrubbed Fat Lady's shell. She's now resting comfortably in the garden's pond."
"That ugly thing? No."
"It's hard not to notice her y'know..."
Andrea was sounding suspiciously evil. But I refused to ask her where she put Fat Girl. Imma find her if it meant flipping the whole house.
"ON-DRE!!! IS THIS SOME JOKE?? TAKE AWAY!!!"
Siti found fat girl stashed in between some of my dirty laundry in the back when she was dumping them into the new washing machine my mom got her. She was complaining about the weird noise coming from the old one.
"Andrea! You bloody bhangra!"
"Mind your language kids!"
Manipulate Subject- No. 1
4:21am.
"I need to talk." I felt her shoving me.
"Wake up now!"
Damn! I turned away from her.
"She's back, isn't she?" Huh? It didn't register.
"Can we talk tomorrow? I'm really tired."
"No! I wanna talk now."
Her tone was firm, but she didn't sound pissed.
"I know she's back in your life. Our life."
"You think too much." Sweaty palms.
"Damn it Andre! You were good for a couple of weeks! I thought you will be mine, all mine. I guess it's just wishful thinking. You can never be good."
My mind started racing. It was no longer screaming for sleep.
"It's not what you think."
"I saw marks on your body. HER marks!"
Damn! Erika! I turned to face her. Before I could speak of any lame excuses running through my mind...
"2 weeks dre, you didn't want me for two fucking weeks!"
Has it been that long?
"You fall asleep right after you hit your pillow. I know you've been busy, never thought it was the other girl you were busy with."
"Fuck it Ash, you were the one who took me away from her."
"You wanted me too, Dre."
-silence-
"And now you want her. Just how many more do you want?"
Uh... damn it! I actually counted! Fuck!
"What about the promises you made to me? What about the plans you told your parents? Do you make those promises to her as well?"
Bitch.
"I know even if we do get married, you can never be good. I can close an eye and ignore what you do outside, can she?"
"I dunno. maybe you wanna ask her yourself, Ash?"
"Since we're both awake now, you wanna do it?"
"You're fucking crazy! I wanna sleep!"
-
I should really think of getting rid of Ash, besides, my real girlfriend bonks my brains out!
"I need to talk." I felt her shoving me.
"Wake up now!"
Damn! I turned away from her.
"She's back, isn't she?" Huh? It didn't register.
"Can we talk tomorrow? I'm really tired."
"No! I wanna talk now."
Her tone was firm, but she didn't sound pissed.
"I know she's back in your life. Our life."
"You think too much." Sweaty palms.
"Damn it Andre! You were good for a couple of weeks! I thought you will be mine, all mine. I guess it's just wishful thinking. You can never be good."
My mind started racing. It was no longer screaming for sleep.
"It's not what you think."
"I saw marks on your body. HER marks!"
Damn! Erika! I turned to face her. Before I could speak of any lame excuses running through my mind...
"2 weeks dre, you didn't want me for two fucking weeks!"
Has it been that long?
"You fall asleep right after you hit your pillow. I know you've been busy, never thought it was the other girl you were busy with."
"Fuck it Ash, you were the one who took me away from her."
"You wanted me too, Dre."
-silence-
"And now you want her. Just how many more do you want?"
Uh... damn it! I actually counted! Fuck!
"What about the promises you made to me? What about the plans you told your parents? Do you make those promises to her as well?"
Bitch.
"I know even if we do get married, you can never be good. I can close an eye and ignore what you do outside, can she?"
"I dunno. maybe you wanna ask her yourself, Ash?"
"Since we're both awake now, you wanna do it?"
"You're fucking crazy! I wanna sleep!"
-
I should really think of getting rid of Ash, besides, my real girlfriend bonks my brains out!
Follow.
This just dawned on me.
Do you realise that not everyone's smart? Yeah, sure, you're thinking: "What the hell does this girl know about being smart anyways?"
I've been going to school for the past 11 years and counting. And I just noticed that there are The Smarts, The Inbetweens & The Lower-Then-Averages.
I fall in the The Inbetweens Category. I actually dont believe that your results or your grades are the reflection of who you are personally. I know of people who cannot be arsed to study but they're one of the greatest people I know. Society makes it so damn difficult for the Lower-Then-Averages to make it in well.... whatever.
They belittle you just because you don't have the smarts & they 'spit' at you. They give you less oppurtunities to do things that you like. They step on your dreams, your ambition.
Okay, my point is, it's okay to be different. Whether you're smart or not. Reality check, people respect you for you attitude and for how you're like. If you're nice, you make it. If you're like those cheating mother-fucking assholes who cheat on their girlfriends, your ass ain't moving anywhere.
To hell with good guys finishing last.
I'll be finishing first today.
Do you realise that not everyone's smart? Yeah, sure, you're thinking: "What the hell does this girl know about being smart anyways?"
I've been going to school for the past 11 years and counting. And I just noticed that there are The Smarts, The Inbetweens & The Lower-Then-Averages.
I fall in the The Inbetweens Category. I actually dont believe that your results or your grades are the reflection of who you are personally. I know of people who cannot be arsed to study but they're one of the greatest people I know. Society makes it so damn difficult for the Lower-Then-Averages to make it in well.... whatever.
They belittle you just because you don't have the smarts & they 'spit' at you. They give you less oppurtunities to do things that you like. They step on your dreams, your ambition.
Okay, my point is, it's okay to be different. Whether you're smart or not. Reality check, people respect you for you attitude and for how you're like. If you're nice, you make it. If you're like those cheating mother-fucking assholes who cheat on their girlfriends, your ass ain't moving anywhere.
To hell with good guys finishing last.
I'll be finishing first today.
Monday, January 12, 2009
To Put On A Brave Front.
Buckets proved useful.... somewhat.
I didn't cry in school. I didnt have the strength to cry.
I got home & cried.
My father was angry with me. I have let friends down.
Soo many of them....
Shame on me.
Goodbye.
I didn't cry in school. I didnt have the strength to cry.
I got home & cried.
My father was angry with me. I have let friends down.
Soo many of them....
Shame on me.
Goodbye.
Sunday, January 11, 2009
The Sun.
*ouch*
Hey.
Hello.
Hi.
Ni Hao?
I met up with a particular someone yesterday. We clicked immediately! :O
It was quite astonishing actually. Let me elaborate more on what happened.
Hello.
Hi.
Ni Hao?
I met up with a particular someone yesterday. We clicked immediately! :O
It was quite astonishing actually. Let me elaborate more on what happened.
Gentleman: Jupiter, do you notice every guy that walks past by us?
Me: Huh?
Gentleman: You never noticed?
Me: Not really actually, why?
Gentleman: Every guy that walks past by us looks at you! *smiles*
Gentleman: Every guy that walks past by us looks at you! *smiles*
Me: Oh... That. When it's guys that's staring at me, I couldnt give a shit whether they stare. *laughs*
And honestly, Gentleman was the very first person who hugs me so gently! Like with so much care. Like as if he hugs me any harder then that, I might break. Fragile! Haha, it was funny, but I just kept quiet. I told him about my dastardly ex-boyfriend as he wanted to know more.
(never in my life have I met a friend who wants to know so much about the dastardly ex-boyfriend!)
And I saw Teri, my primary school mate yesterday! She has really luscious hair! Beautiful hair. I'm not exaggerating, Teri! :D
*giggles*
I shall bleed and cry my heart out tml if my results doesn't turn out the way I want it to be!
I would've let down so many people.
(bring buckets tomorrow.)
:(
Note to self: Raunchy Raunchy Sex Sex, I'm Gonna Give You A Heart Attack!
And honestly, Gentleman was the very first person who hugs me so gently! Like with so much care. Like as if he hugs me any harder then that, I might break. Fragile! Haha, it was funny, but I just kept quiet. I told him about my dastardly ex-boyfriend as he wanted to know more.
(never in my life have I met a friend who wants to know so much about the dastardly ex-boyfriend!)
And I saw Teri, my primary school mate yesterday! She has really luscious hair! Beautiful hair. I'm not exaggerating, Teri! :D
*giggles*
I shall bleed and cry my heart out tml if my results doesn't turn out the way I want it to be!
I would've let down so many people.
(bring buckets tomorrow.)
:(
Note to self: Raunchy Raunchy Sex Sex, I'm Gonna Give You A Heart Attack!
Saturday, January 10, 2009
They Say You Always Remember Your First Time...
Hobbies.
Love.
Hobbies?
Love?
My kitty cat is blocking my screen.
Not today, no post.
"get out, you want to stop & get out, don't you?"
- Jupiter.
Love.
Hobbies?
Love?
My kitty cat is blocking my screen.
Not today, no post.
"get out, you want to stop & get out, don't you?"
- Jupiter.
Friday, January 9, 2009
Looking Around & About!
Oh my god! *giggles*
Guess what? I've been looking around the web for some interesting blogs and I did! Some lame ones, some like mine, some like Simbian's! And I found 5 ordinary looking blogs. But some posts touched my heart.
I wonder even whether people read these! Senseless. I think i'm going to post one of my writings that I just did recently. I write. I write erotic stories & which is why I dont show it to people, because I'm very mindful of what people think of my short stories. Now you know!
Jolly good.
My next post will be about hobbies. Weird ones. I have suddenly been dabbling into make-up. (dabbling, not buying!) Yes, every women's bestfriend.
Note to self: Even the eyeliner, yes. Diamond's arent only women's bestfriend, that also includes Seduction! Mmm....
I have a friend who tells me I write in a very candid manner, do I? Well, I think I like it that way. A punch of humour they say with a teensy weensy bit of sarcasm! (if you can spot it!) I like to keep it nice, light, funny & simple. But some people just cant get enough of Simple, *sigh*
I have another friend who tells me I make him laugh, I keeps things fun. I was pretty shocked, no, really. I never knew I could make people laugh, well, maybe just a joke or two.
Laughter.
Haha, I wish to keep things simple and happy. Just the way it is.
xoxo, love ya.
Guess what? I've been looking around the web for some interesting blogs and I did! Some lame ones, some like mine, some like Simbian's! And I found 5 ordinary looking blogs. But some posts touched my heart.
I wonder even whether people read these! Senseless. I think i'm going to post one of my writings that I just did recently. I write. I write erotic stories & which is why I dont show it to people, because I'm very mindful of what people think of my short stories. Now you know!
Jolly good.
My next post will be about hobbies. Weird ones. I have suddenly been dabbling into make-up. (dabbling, not buying!) Yes, every women's bestfriend.
Note to self: Even the eyeliner, yes. Diamond's arent only women's bestfriend, that also includes Seduction! Mmm....
I have a friend who tells me I write in a very candid manner, do I? Well, I think I like it that way. A punch of humour they say with a teensy weensy bit of sarcasm! (if you can spot it!) I like to keep it nice, light, funny & simple. But some people just cant get enough of Simple, *sigh*
I have another friend who tells me I make him laugh, I keeps things fun. I was pretty shocked, no, really. I never knew I could make people laugh, well, maybe just a joke or two.
Laughter.
Haha, I wish to keep things simple and happy. Just the way it is.
xoxo, love ya.
Thursday, January 8, 2009
The Very First Tattoo Convention @ Singapore Expo tomorrow, 9th January!
Okay, I'm seriously pissed.
Chris Garver will be coming to Singapore, TOMORROW and he will be at the Singapore Expo & I cant be there! :( Their having one of the largest tattoo conventions in Asia & loads of tattoo artists will be going over there to showcase their works of art.
AND I CANT BE THERE.
Chris Garver for heaven sakes! Damn it, I'll just have to wait until the next time I'll be @ Miami then. Like 3-4 years from now!?
Oh Chris Garver, I love your works. :(
Chris Garver will be coming to Singapore, TOMORROW and he will be at the Singapore Expo & I cant be there! :( Their having one of the largest tattoo conventions in Asia & loads of tattoo artists will be going over there to showcase their works of art.
AND I CANT BE THERE.
Chris Garver for heaven sakes! Damn it, I'll just have to wait until the next time I'll be @ Miami then. Like 3-4 years from now!?
Oh Chris Garver, I love your works. :(
Tuesday, January 6, 2009
Groovy flowers!
Hello my sweety pies.
Slap me! I haven't been dedicated to blogging as much cuz' for one! I don't have anything creative to blog about. And second! I am currently watching Heroes Season 3!
(Yes, I know I'm slow, I have been busy, okay!)
So, how did you celebrate your New Year? I hope that it was good for you! I was thinking of going to party at Fort Silso but I kept picturing Bangla's raping Chinese girls after they were totally drunk and smashed.
So, I did the most decent thing a girl can do. Stay home, celebrate the New Year by popping a bottle of Champagne & Sparkling Juice!
(Little sister cannot drink!)
We played Bingo and stuff, though it was slightly boring, but it's pretty much okay!
And, forget New year Resolutions! Why bother making up new ones at the start of the year when you know you're gonna break them anyways? Say, you wanna lose a lil' bit of weight right? At the end of the year, you're supposed to lose 2 kg, instead, you gain 10kg!
Depressing right? New Year Resolutions are overrated and very depressing if you're not someone whose committed to making your resolutions real and end up disappointing yourself.
Why not... Let's just treat everyday as if it was the last day of they year? Love your family, cherish your friends & always pray to God, live life to the fullest & most importantly, treat your body with respect!
May the year 2009 be even better then 2008 because why? You know that whatever bad thing screwed up your life last year, remember this.
"THAT WAS SOOOO LAST YEAR!"
*laughs*
Slap me! I haven't been dedicated to blogging as much cuz' for one! I don't have anything creative to blog about. And second! I am currently watching Heroes Season 3!
(Yes, I know I'm slow, I have been busy, okay!)
So, how did you celebrate your New Year? I hope that it was good for you! I was thinking of going to party at Fort Silso but I kept picturing Bangla's raping Chinese girls after they were totally drunk and smashed.
So, I did the most decent thing a girl can do. Stay home, celebrate the New Year by popping a bottle of Champagne & Sparkling Juice!
(Little sister cannot drink!)
We played Bingo and stuff, though it was slightly boring, but it's pretty much okay!
And, forget New year Resolutions! Why bother making up new ones at the start of the year when you know you're gonna break them anyways? Say, you wanna lose a lil' bit of weight right? At the end of the year, you're supposed to lose 2 kg, instead, you gain 10kg!
Depressing right? New Year Resolutions are overrated and very depressing if you're not someone whose committed to making your resolutions real and end up disappointing yourself.
Why not... Let's just treat everyday as if it was the last day of they year? Love your family, cherish your friends & always pray to God, live life to the fullest & most importantly, treat your body with respect!
May the year 2009 be even better then 2008 because why? You know that whatever bad thing screwed up your life last year, remember this.
"THAT WAS SOOOO LAST YEAR!"
*laughs*
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